LIFE of AMBER, WAYNE, AND MINI DAVID UPDATE: Brought to you by Wayne

BABY - Born March 1st. Pure awesomeness. He's already smiling and trying to cause trouble. Luckily, strict rules, grounding, time out and a mini spank have reduced this mischief.

AF1 and AF2 flew for testing to Edwards Air Force Base: (side note, I had nothing to do with building these other than watching them fly over my house)

Obamas met me at Reagan International Airport for my conference: We discussed China, Oil Spills, Laws in Arizona and how we can apply those to Canada too, Rap Music, and slipping me a little of that stimulus money for a new bike. After this conversation I really respect him a lot more now.
In summary I have tried to save the world through bringing into the world its soon to be newest dictator/ruler - David Funk, Tried to defend the world with F-3 5's and spoken personally to Barack Hussein Obama about relinquishing command in two years to my son as he takes over and turns things around.

More to come in the future.

St. Pete's Beach

So, summer is here and based on that fact I decided to write a little haiku poem.

Spring has come and gone,
Summer is now here to stay,
We'll be at the beach.

After spending many evenings pondering nature, poetry, and Florida I finally came up with that genius haiku. If you couldn't get the symbolism from it, it was that Summer is now here in Florida so we are going to attempt to get to the beach more. This week it was St. Pete's Beach.

We traveled the almost two hours down to St. Petersburg, Florida ( Not Russia). I would have love to have been in Russia though and eaten some good haladietz. Anyways, we only stayed for part of Friday and most of Saturday but it was a pretty good time. My lovely wife found us a hotel room on hotwire.com (they didn't choose to sponsor this blog so its not a hyperlink to their website) and we got to stay in a pretty nice hotel for not so much money.

We spent the Friday night watching the sun set, swimming in the pool and then wandering around being amused by the other visitors getting drunker and drunker. At least we'll remember our vacation. Saturday we went to the beach and enjoyed the beautiful Florida day. But, still only being in Florida for less than a year, we did learn a few things:
1. Put Sunscreen on more than one time a day.
2. Don't think that even if you're really white skinned, the sun won't burn you.
3. Just cause you've lived in Florida for almost a year that the sun won't utterly destroy your back, shoulders and everywhere else skin is located on your body.

If you couldn't tell from the three lessons learned, we got extremely sunburned. Was it worth it you may ask. A resounding "YES" I would reply because it was a lot of fun and I got to forget all about work and every other daily task and just think about my little lovely wife who I love.

Conclusion:
St. Pete's beach was pretty neat. The waves weren't that big but it was calm and relaxing. The hotel was nice and it was all very close to our home so that it could be a weekend trip with no vacation days taken.

The End.

Apology and Excuses

First of all I would like to apologize for my lack of blogging. I am what many refer to as a teriblogger. That is a oft used word which roots come from the words blogger and terrible. Today I would like to explain myself (why I am terrible) and why you should still trust me to your blog reading pleasure.

So lets start with the bad...
1. Blogging is hard for me not because I am not the most interesting person you've ever met or the person everyone wants to instantly be friends with at a party, but it is that I am lazy. I work many hours a day to provide bread for my wife and future children and by the time I get home I just want to sit and look at the ceiling and wonder why I wasn't born into royalty.

2. Blogging is hard for me not because I am one of the most technically inclined people ever and am superbly qualified to become someday a professional blogger, but its because I am lazy. There is no challenge for me when it comes to turning on the computer and writing in this blog. I just don't want to sit in front of the computer for another fifteen minutes writing random ramblings from the brain of wayne (say that five times fast) after sitting at work next to a computer for 6 hours +/- 2.

3. Last Blogging is hard for me not because English is my first language and I have college degrees and starting Monday will be starting on more, its because I am lazy. Writing a blog about the life of Wayne and sometimes throwing in Amber every now and then is never challenging because we never use or do anything that uses words that aren't common knowledge or take any thinking power to discover their meaning. I am just lazy when it comes to writing even though I have the abilities inside me.

The underlying theme of why I don't write is highlighted in bold above if you didn't catch it while reading.


Now...Why you should keep reading this blog...
1. You may be wondering in your head right now..."why should I ever read this blog if Wayne is so incredibly lazy as he just proved above?" Well let me answer you. The reason you should keep returning to this page isn't because these are just words on a page. These are messages of inspiration and hope. Heroic tales of happiness and bravery. Epic stories and creations of joy for all who dare to read. Isn't that enough. To be inspired to live another day to your upmost potential, loving others and serving those around you more than ever before. This is the purpose of this blog so if you find it in yourself to be better, you should keep reading this blog.

2. If the first reason isn't enough to keep you reading, which would be sad if it did, then there is a second reason to read. Literacy in America is in tragic decline everywhere. From the greatness of our national capital to the amber waves of grain in the midwest all the ways to the shores of Waiehu in our nation's great 50th state, literacy is becoming a thing of the past. Not only are the children refusing to learn to read, but the teachers are refusing to teach it. How can we reverse this terribtrend? By encouraging others to read this blog written by one who is a strong advocate of literacy and happiness to all.

3. Maybe you are one of those illiterate ones trying to save yourself, well below is a reason specifically for you. It is one described by pictures...

OR













So in summary...

I don't write very often because I am lazy. However, you should continue reading and checking out this blog because it could very well end up saving your life.

Love,
Wayne

So I found that my favorite thing about FL is that guests can come a week or two before thanksgiving and it is still warm enough to go sit out on the beach and even get in the water.
Another fun thing I found is to throw food to the seagulls like bread. They eat and fight over it. The goal is to get the smaller, weaker birds to eat the goods and starve the big, bully birds. Then every once in a while you throw a rock. ( they think its still bread ) but they can't eat it. And then we get a good laugh in before throwing the next piece of bread. The nice thing is it isn't the state bird of FL like it is in Utah so I don't feel bad making the big birds sad inside.

So yesterday we put up our X-mas tree. (I don't want to say Christmas Tree because this blog is fairly new and I don't have the funds for people to sue me for saying that scary word) Amber did most the work. I just walked around with a camera. I also sat by our fire for a little while, sipping hot chocolate. ( The fire is pictured ) Then I started sweating because it really wasn't the temperature for hot chocolate so I turned on the air conditioning and got out the otter pops. Then it really felt like X-mas.

So... one of the biggest adventures that ever has happened in Florida to date happened this last week. Wayne, who is me,  celebrated my day of birth. Above is a picture of my wife and my lunch "birthdate."  Birthdate is a copyrighted word for when two people go on a date to celebrate birth. In this case it happened to be mine. We ate Wendy's in the car with other celebratory devices as seen above. 

One of the other adventures we participated in was a great dinner at Olive Garden. This dinner was sponsored by grandma hubbard inc. (GHI).  GHI is a company started by my grandma out in Utah.  One of the main functions of the company is to buy dinner or cook dinner for young grandchildren like me and Amber. I would like to thank her for sponsoring our dinner. 

The last part of our celebratory events in my honor was to share cake with friends. Brendan, Brandon, (they are different people with different names), and Stacy joined my wife and I in our lovely apartment to help us not eat a whole cake by ourselves. 

It worked. Amber and I did not in the end eat a whole cake so thanks to all those who helped out in this effort. 

During these events dedicated to me and my greatness, I learned a lot about me and other people. 

1. I learned that I wish salad was not lettuce mixed with a few croutons but croutons mixed with a few lettuce leaves. They are just so delicious. 

2. I learned that having people over to eat cake is hard when you don't have a couch yet. To all you owners of furniture stores that read this... if you have a nice, leather, brand new couch you would like to donate in honor of the greatness of Wayne, please don't hesitate. 

3. The last thing I learned from my birthday experience was that at work, you always get more work and more stress than on any regular day. Don't know why but that is what happens so my advice is to try to skip your birthday if it falls on a workday. 

National Beach Week

So.... This last week was national beach week. That's right "National Beach Week." The Funk Family of Central Florida decided to spend one day of that great week at the all famous Cocoa Beach not 45 minutes from their house. 

We headed out about 12 in the afternoon and drove due east for 45 minutes. After paying $2.75 in tolls, using 2.3 gallons of gas, passing huge cruise ships and listening to 30 minutes of Orlando's greatest country station we arrived at the free Ron Jon's parking lot not one block from the beach!!

We continued out into the beautiful waves and amongst the other floridians and floated and bogey boarded for hours upon hours. After getting taken out by waves, wayne getting sucked out to sea, finding many sharks teeth, and amber getting a huge gash on her leg, we felt like we had done our duty in fully celebrating National Beach Week, so we concluded our bi-weekly trip to Cocoa Beach by stopping by the local Wendy's for frosties and the local Beach Adult Video store to see if there was anything worth watching on the ride home. Sadly they asked for our I.D.'s and we accidently showed our temple recommends and they wouldn't let us in so we didn't have the pleasure of seeing what beachy titles they had.  We had hoped they had some sort of video on how to teach adults to bogey board.  So in the end we just went home. Please comment on how you spent National Beach Week!! Thanks for reading and have a great week!!

Im married, have a job, write in a blog... what more can I ask for in life?

Good Evening to all who might come across the new and improved Waynefunk.blogspot.com website. It is truly revolutionary when compared to all other blogspotters you may come across. I can now put all the pictures I have of my wedding and other important events on my spot for blogging so all of you readers (which I understand to be many) can download, print, and frame for decorations all around your houses. This being the first real entry is short but definitely to the point. The point being... waynefunk.blogspot.com is here to stay. So watch out!